Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Michelle Zauner’s CRYING IN H MART, is the heartrending story of a daughter coming to terms with her mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis and the connection between food and home and heart. From the first chapter, I was sucked into Zauner’s story.

Zauner was born in Korea to her mother Chongmi, and her American father, Joel. Early in her life the family moved to the woods of Eugene, Oregon where Zauner felt isolated and often different from her peers. Chongmi was invested in her daughter – raising her with high ideals and a perfectionist’s bent. Zauner remembers summers spent in Korea with her mother, aunts, and grandmother eating the foods of her mother’s childhood. She found that she could gain approval from her mother by having an adventurous palate – sucking down the still-squirming tentacles of an octopus.

In her teens, the relationship between Zauner and her mother was fraught. Living up to her mother’s ideals proved impossible for a teenager who strived to conform to her peers. She played in a rock band and bristled against her mother’s expectations.

In college, Zauner relished returning home to her mother’s home cooking. Slices of short rib layed on lettuce with garlic and kimchee – proved a far cry from the food she was eating in the college cafeteria. It was a time of healing and reconnection and a new appreciation for her mother.

Zauner embraced her culinary heritage and by the age of 25, when her mother was diagnosed with cancer, she learned to cook some of her favorites. But chemotherapy destroyed Chongmi’s appetite and in subsequent treatments, her mouth developed sores that made it nearly impossible to eat. Throughout Zauner’s attempts to learn her mother’s favorite dishes and recreate them, she longed to embrace not just her cultural heritage – but her mother – to feed her back to health and relationship.

When Chongmi decided to discontinue treatment, the family took one last trip to Seoul. It was disastrous. Chongmi’s health took a dangerous turn. Upon their return, Zauner and her boyfriend decided to get married so that Chongmi could be present and participate in the planning process. Though Chongmi was momentarily buoyed, nothing could save her — not chemotherapy and not her daughter’s intense love.

Crying in H Mart is a poignant story of loss and reconnection, identity and displacement. It is the story of coming home to the values and people we love.